Us and how everything is full circle

10 years and counting.

The start and end of our family

Yes you read that title right too. We started our family, and within a few short years we lost it all, and I was left single. Our 2nd was born exactly one year, 5 months, and 13 days apart. They were so close that it was fun to watch them being inseparable during the time. They were born in 95 and 96. By the end of 2000 our little family of 4 was no more. We were deemed unfit as parents due to his past, and my mental health history as a juvenile. Yes in Pennsylvania they can use your mental health against you until you are 25 years old. We fought for our parental rights, and our right to raise our daughters for almost 3 years. It all started with our youngest being born with lead poisoning. Which they accused me of letting our girls get into lead base paint, and if you live in an area like ours that was rich with Coal Mining, Steel Mills, Zinc Plants, Glass blowers, and etc. Then yeah, plus the houses were built pre 1930’s where a lot of the paint had lead in it. That didn’t matter no matter what we showed in the courts. Our caseworker was a book learner, never had children, never understood that children get into things all the time. Then there was the fact that both girls and I caught head lice off our public transportation and they held that against us too. So no matter what, we were held at fault for it all. I was more at fault then he was and that was because they used my times in mental institutions, special hospitalization schools, and counselors. They even court order my therapy so even though I was willingly going to therapy they court order to know what said and used that against me too. That was when I stopped believing in our mental health profession as well. Everything I ever said I thought was kept in confidence was ruined by them. I turned 21 on December 15,1998 and on December 17,1998 our case worker walked into our home and removed our daughters for good. 2 days after my birthday, and 8 days before Christmas. That was also the last time I ever put up a Christmas Tree, and celebrated any holidays after that.

When the heart breaks, it literally breaks,

As you can see that was our downfall and how we fell apart. Our family that we created was taken away, and I was being told I wasn’t fit to be a mother, which broke both our hearts. We stood tall, and kept fighting to get our daughters back home with us. We thought we were doing good because things started to look up for us, and we thought we had it all because we started getting our daughters home for day weekend visits. Then all of sudden they stopped, and they started using even more of my therapy against us. No matter what we did, no matter how hard we fought for 2 and half years it was never good enough. We were never going to get those beautiful babies back with us. I even took my therapist suggestion and went back on medication to help with everything, only to be on the worse medication I’ve ever been on. It was Zoloft , that medication made me want to sleep more and more, took away all the cares for me and my family. Even had me contemplating suicide while on that medication. It was also then that they got me to do the one thing I kept fighting for and that was my parental rights. I signed them away without even fighting and I felt like the loser in the end because I did that.

Join me tomorrow when I finish our story. I thought it would have fit in this post, but I need to take a break, as it still breaks my heart to this day that I can’t see our daughters, or even know them, and I’ll finish series by Saturday so please bare with me for the next few posts as my emotions for this are still raw even after all these years.


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About Shadowz

A woman who enjoys playing video games, and will blog about my experiences, but also record video game play for my YouTube channel.
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