Everyone has good and bad days

landscape photo of asphalt road

Everyone has good days and bad days, but sometimes those that have mental illnesses, well they tend to have more bad then good days. Reason I know this so well is because I have mental health illnesses. I was first labeled with a bunch of mental health issues back when I was 7 years old. Now I am 45 years old and have a list that literally goes on and on for mental health issues. I am also one of those that can’t be medicated sadly because it will only work for some time then my system builds up a natural immunity or what have you to medications. It is also why I don’t take anything for headaches, and or other pain medications. This sucks too for someone like me because I would benefit from certain medications since my body develops an immunity to it. It just means that those medications of any kind stop working or they need an increase in dosages and I don’t want that in my life. What have I been diagnosed with in the past? For starters they said I had suicidal tendencies, along with major depression, so they listed it as Bipolar Disorder. Then in my late teens early twenties I was diagnosed with Adjustment Borderline Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder,  Attention Deficit Disorder then later they said I had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I personally don’t think they know exactly what I have now because it was recently changed to an extreme case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They said it was all cause I had been sexually molested by a neighbor, and then watching my parents separate, get back together, separate again, then finally separating all together and then getting their divorce only after trying to pit me against each other and one of them getting full custody of me, and the other getting weekends, and every other holiday visits that well didn’t even work out in the end because it was my mother who got the weekends, and every other holiday that eventually I stopped doing all together because I was dumped off at my aunt’s house on the weekends instead of being with her. Now as an adult I still find having relationships with my parents a little difficult at times, but we do try. They both have admitted to me that when I was thought of, neither one were truly ready to be parents, but given the circumstances for my mother. I’m just glad they didn’t give me away, or leave me instead they did try to raise me as best as they could. As many know Father’s give to their daughters, and Mother’s give to their sons, so a lot of my issues with mental health do come from my father who himself has been diagnosed with mental health issues.

 

Neon Signage

I do tend to think about things differently then most, and I also see the world different as most too. When most children were being taught that the monsters under their beds, and in their closets weren’t real, or their parents were pretending to defend them off with some sort of Monster be gone spray, or chasing them away with other means. I learned that those monsters were not real and the monsters truly and sometimes did live next door to you, or where apart of your own family.  I won’t say that it hasn’t given me a ton of trust issues because I don’t trust many people in my life ever. It’s very hard for me to trust when you can’t know who to trust, and who not to trust. My best therapy though is having a dog in my life. Raven keeps me grounded and my stress levels down. She also helps with my depression as well because without her, I’d go down a dark path in my life, and I’m trying to stay out of there for as much as I can. Animals are great to have for support too because if you have no one to talk too, they’ll listen to you, and won’t judge you. Not to mention they give the best hugs in the world too in my opinion.

 

person holding brown tabby cat


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About Shadowz

A woman who enjoys playing video games, and will blog about my experiences, but also record video game play for my YouTube channel.
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