Introduction Week continued

More About me:

My online persona was not an easy one for me to come up with. I originally started back in late 90’s, early 2000’s with various online names that I couldn’t decide on. I originally started out as daywalker of some sorts all because Blade and I had went to the movies one night when Blade was released. He then made the statement that I reminded him of a daywalker, I had a lot of strengths and not a lot of weaknesses, of course at that time we were in a huge fight with Child protection services with trying to get our two daughters back from them. I started my family young, I was 17 going on 18 by the time I had our 2nd daughter. Then by the time I was 21 years old I had lost it all. I lost my best friend, father of our daughters, and our daughters. It made me a different person all the way around. It was during that time I had lost my trust for Child Protection Services, the mental health system. Anything that was suppose to help me only ending up hurting me more than anyone could ever imagine. What I mean with that is that they broke my confidence with talking to anyone because everything I ever said that I thought was protected by the patient – doctor confidentiality clause. My caseworker for CPS knew everything I ever said and used it against us when it came time to go to court.

 

Another Second Life profile image I have done.

Life is what it is

Our oldest is now 28, married and with a child. Our youngest will be 27, and still single. Sadly neither one want anything to do with us. So I’ll never get to know my son-in-law, and I will never get to know my granddaughter. I will never get to know either one of our daughters, so it’s just him and I now with Raven in lives. So for us life is what it is. I’ll never forget them and how our oldest told me at one time that she hated me , and blamed me for us losing them. She was just 4 years old at the time, but she wasn’t no dummy, she knew I had mental health issues, and even though I tried my hardest to get them back, life said something totally different. It made me hate my birthday even more, made me stop celebrating holidays, made me become more isolated away from family members who had children. I really became something else and some say I carry a chip on my shoulder, and that I shouldn’t, but I don’t think they understand it’s not a chip. It is a broken heart that I carry deep inside. I can’t fix that part of my life. I’ve tried over the years only to have the door to continuously be slammed into my face from both girls.  It’s also what causes me to go into a deep depression a lot more often because I will never get to know them, or anything about their lives. I often will sit down in various times of the day and just silently cry inside because I refuse to cry around anyone, and I really dislike crying around Raven because I know she feels whatever it is I am feeling, and I don’t want her to feel sad because I am having a hard day. So I tend to bottle things up inside and pray they don’t explode onto another person, but sometimes it doesn’t always work.

That is enough of more getting to know me, tomorrow I will talk about how I ended up becoming a Shad0wz and how it ended up sticking to carry on over to Second Life, and now onto my gaming life online. So until next time, Enjoy the trailer to “Blade”, and you’ll understand how I became daywalker, and how Blade became this name online as well. So enjoy!!

 


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About Shadowz

A woman who enjoys playing video games, and will blog about my experiences, but also record video game play for my YouTube channel.
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