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As the title states. I do a lot of things when I’m not feeling the urge to game. The main thing I do a lot is binge watch a TV series I’ve always enjoyed. The series I tend to binge watch a lot is Criminal Minds, and now it’s counterpart Criminal Minds: Evolution. Now if want to know why it’s because I have a strong connection to the dark side of the human mind. Now mind you I am a protector of animals, but I’m extremely fascinated with the dark side of a the human psyche that allows others to hurt each other. I’m not entirely sure why I’m drawn to this side of humanity, but I am. I watched a lot of documentaries about serial killers, things that are found for hurting others minus the animals. Animals I love, humans well that is a little more tricky. Certain ones I do, other’s I don’t. I don’t know where my level of fascination came from wanting to explore the dark side of the human psyche. I have also done a lot of reading online with documentaries about serial killers, and I do research from time to time on the evolution of the human mind for serial killers. Just something about all that fascinates me. I do have a tendency of hiding this side from others because many can’t, or just don’t understand why I am drawn to the darkness that lives in us all. I’d never harm another human being, but yet I’m so drawn to it and I don’t understand why.
If it’s not about serial killers, it’s about those criminal elements that do a lot of legal and illegal things like shows Sons of Anarchy , Mayans, etc. Anything that shows me a lot of criminal things, even killers. Even Law & Order: SVU, there is just something I’m drawn too with the psyche of these people. I’ve been told in the past it’s because of my abuse, and how I survived it all that I just have a need to try and understand those that abused me. I’m not entirely sure if I buy it though, but I won’t deny that I am looking for answers for something. Something about murders, and those with very twisted minds just intrigues me to the point of no return for me.
This often leaves me wondering about the type of person I could have been had I not had a strong bond with animals, and wanting to save them all the time. There have been at times I’ve tried to explain stuff like this to Blade, he just accepts that part of me. He doesn’t care, and finds it fascinating himself that I am not ashamed to hide this side of me. My father just doesn’t understand it. My mother, well she ignores that part of me when I try to talk to her. Course she makes me feel like I should be ashamed that I have this side of me and I don’t hide it. It does make me think of a song that I have playing as I finish this post. I’ll drop the lyrical video below for you all to hear and understand why I feel like I’m totally strange at times, and not exactly normal by the standards of society.
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