One of my favorite spots to hide | Photo found on Pexels

Finding ways to deal with depression and getting motivated

This morning after I did my diabetic testing, gave myself insulin, and took my pills I decided that I needed to get a handle on my depression. Yeah I’ve been playing video games, anything to distract my mind but it was not helping with the depression like usually does. I know why it’s so strong this month unlike any other time. It was again hearing her talk to others about the step children that have written her out of their lives. Leaving me with the feeling of being a burden, abandoned, not good enough, etc. The typical feelings I’ve always felt throughout my life. At nights I’ll go to bed, curl up next to Blade, grab Raven and cuddle with them all night long. Blade knows something is going on because he sees the pain in my eyes. Yes the eyes reveal everything, and he sees that pain. I just shake my head, and say, “Not right now.” and he knows to back off and let me come to him in my own pace. This morning I decided to go and get a grip on it all because it’s slowly leading me down a deep dark path that I have often been throughout my life. So after I did all my morning things, I put Raven’s harness on her, grabbed a few bottles of water, her portable water dish, and we set off to a place that brings me inner peace, and I can scream and no one hears it. For some odd reason I find inner peace, and ways to motivate myself while visiting a cemetery. Let’s face it no one really wants to be there. I felt it was time to get off my ass, and get myself motivated and get a grip on my depression. Plus it was a place that I thought even Raven would enjoy because she’s my right hand always. She did enjoy that time outside because she got to see wildlife. There are at least 5 families of Deer that live in the surrounding woods. Yes we have to take a path to get to the backside of it, and no she doesn’t have ticks. I always check her when we are near the woods, other areas that ticks are around. Plus she’s on special pills that mask her CO2 scent from insects. She doesn’t have Fleas, Ticks and Mosquitos won’t go near her because of the masking of her scent. She doesn’t even smell like a wet dog when she’s wet.

The Love in her eyes.

She enjoyed that walk, and she even really enjoyed seeing the families of deer roaming around the cemetery. She did not try to chase them, instead she sat on the ground next to me, just watching them. She’s my peaceful pup even though she’ll be 10 this year. She’s a true comfort in my chaotic life. She protects me at nights when I’m sleeping, something about her helps keep my dreams forgotten when I wake up. She’s always trying to hug me, and kiss my face when I have tears streaming down my face. She knows my deepest darkest secrets. She helps me stay motivated too. She’s a lot more than just a pet, she’s my counselor, she’s my best friend, she’s everything in our lives.  Our little walk this morning was motivating, we saw some wildlife, we sat at my favorite spot for a few hours. I talked to her, gave her lots and lots of loving, let her enjoy that walk, and the scenery too. Lucky enough for me, my personalities love her so they don’t ever harm her. Instead they play with her, and make her do her joyous barks.

This post is suppose to be about motivation while depressed, and in some sense it is, but it isn’t. Again I’m sorry about derailing this train, but Raven does give me a lot of motivation to push on in life. Her love is something I don’t take for granted because their lives are not long enough. I know she needs me even though I do need her. So I guess we are each other’s motivation. Stay tuned for tomorrows post where I’ll talk about hell I don’t know honestly.